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I spent so much time coming up with this joke on paper
But everyone said it was tearable :(
you can never lose a homing pigeon...
... if it didnt come back it was never a homing pigeon
My 9-year old told this one today. What does Snoop Dogg say after performing a magic trick?
Ta da da da da
How many sovereign citizens does it take to change a lightbulb?
Why are you asking me? Am I being detained?!?
Two siblings are arguing, then one puts his hand level with his head and says “I’ve had it up to hear with you.”
The second sibling steps back takes a breath and speaks. “You know what? Fine.” He leaves, and years later is set to the moon. Once there on the televised broadcast he tells his brother, with his palm facing the earth, “I’ve had it to hear.”
My son handed me his report card and I asked him, “Why is this wet?”
He said, “My grades are below C level.”
Do you know where I am?
A women in a hot air balloon realizes she is lost. She lowers her altitude and spots a man fishing from a boat below. She shouts to him, “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.” The man consults his portable GPS and replies, “You’re in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude. She rolls her eyes and says, “You must be a Republican.” “I am,” replies the man. “How did you know?” “Well,” answers the balloonist, “everything you tell me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to do with your information, and I’m still lost. Frankly, you’re not much help to me.” The man smiles and responds, “ You must be a Democrat.” “I am,” replies the balloonist. “How did you know?” “Well,” says the man, “You don’t know where you are or where you are going. You’ve risen to where you are due to a large amount of hot air. You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and now you expect me to solve your problem. You’re in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but, somehow now it’s my fault.”