The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.
New at better-not-say-it.com: Our hot joke section. Have fun laughing with our sensationally funny jokes:
A young man tries stand up…
A young college student found himself doing quite well in comedy online; he’d post jokes on the internet and get hundreds of comments saying how good his jokes were. Thinking he really had a gift, the young man decided to try a stand-up gig in front of a live audience. He booked himself a friday-night gig at a small local bar, and looked over his best old material to try and make the best impression possible. Friday night came, and he got up in front of the reasonably-sized crowd at the bar. He explained that he had been doing jokes online for quite some time, and this was his first time trying it live. The audience cheered, yelling encouragement at the the comedian. He began his first joke by saying “Ctrl + C. Ctrl + V.” He gave a long pause for laughter, but there was none to be heard from the audience; they all looked confused. “Let me try that again.” The comedian said, after clearing his throat. “Copy text. Paste text.” He could barely keep himself from cracking up at his own joke, but the audience seemed to have a different reaction. Some were still exchanging confused looks, others had begun to boo him. “What the hell, guys?!” The comedian burst out after a few moments of boos. “On r/jokes, that shit was all the rage!!”
What do a Christmas tree and an old man have in common?
The wood is dead, and the balls are just for decoration.
A man takes a stool at the bar and orders a drink. Then he asks the man to the right of him…
“How tall is a Penguin, this tall?” “No, they’re much shorter than that”, he answers. He looks to the man at his left- “How tall is a penguin, this tall?” “Nowhere near that tall!”, says the other man. The man puts his head in his hands. The bartender, witnessing all of this asks the man “Everything okay, Sir?” The man responds “No, I just ran over a Nun”.
What did Santa say when he found his wife getting bang-ganged by the elfs?
Hoe, hoe, hoe.
A very unlucky man finds a strange looking lamp, and when he touches it, a genie pops out.
The genie tells him he has one wish The man says "Wow, finally my bad luck will come to an end!" After thinking about it for a long time, he says "I wish I had the midas touch" The genie grants his wish, and for the rest of that mans life everything he touched turned into a muffler.
Three psychiatrists are having a drink after work, talking about their newest patients.
The first one says, “My most recent patient works as a telemarketer. She has a lot of hang ups.” The second one added, “I have a new patient who works at the sewage treatment plant. He’s into a lot of crazy shit.” The third one is silent, but after some prodding says “We’ll, I can’t really compete with you. My most recent patient is a statistician and he just has a standard deviation.”
Did you hear about the luxury resort leper colony?
Apparently it costs an arm and a leg to go there.
Do you think i should get breast implants ?
Nah Just rub some toilet paper on ‘em Do you think it will help? It did wonders for your ass
I have a fetish
I have a fetish for figuring things out... ​ I just came to that realization