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Hey, did you know that pigeons die after having sex??
At least the one I fucked did..
So a Police Officer pulls over a little old lady in a car going a bit too slow…
Police officer asks the usual, “…know why I pulled you over…” “…license, registration, proof of insurance…” Lady hands everything over as usual, And then the Officer asks, “Ma’am, you got any weapons in the car I should know about?” Old Lady answers “a .45 at my waistband, a Glock in the Center Console, a .357 Revolver in the Glove Box, a 12 Gauge under the back seat, and an AR-10 in the trunk.” The officer asks, “Jeez, Lady, what the hell are you so afraid of?” The Lady then answers **“Not a Damn Thing.”**
Smokey the Bear
Do you remember Smokey the Bear? I do. “Only YOU can prevent forrest fires.” I tell ya, as a kid in the 80’s that really stuck with me. Like, every single forrest fire since, I’ve had to wrestle with it. How is this my fault? What more could I be doing? Why couldn’t I prevent it? My entire life since then I have had to live with the fact that Smokey chose ME, and I have failed him! I have failed ALL of you!
It’s my cake day so here’s a joke for you! What’s the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea?
I’ve never had a garbanzo bean on my face.
We are not betting on dog fighting here.
Instead we bet on which dog will discover the others balls first.
Wife: Okay. Here’s what’s got to change. I’m sick of you saying I talk like a pirate and you never buy me flowers!
Husband: I never knew you sold flowers!
What is a Schrodingers’ orgy?
An orgy is, a group of men, a group of women, come together and fuck each other. But,… “don’t they fuck each other and come together?”