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Wedding Beginnings vs. Endings
As a wedding nears its conclusion, the officiant asks the audience if any among them object to the marriage by asking that they speak now, or forever hold their peace. The lesser known counterpart to this is when, prior to the wedding’s start, the officiant verifies that nobody needs to use the restroom beforehand by asking that they speak now, or forever hold their piss.
My aunt who is also a nun just got pregnant
In response to the news I just said "Holy fuck!"
People always assume Lorry drivers are dumb and not well spoken...
But in my experience they can be quite articulate.
What do you call a German with a stomach flu?
Alwaysbepoopin How about one thats constipated? Notbepoopin
A guy sits down on a stool and asks the bartender for a Rittenhouse
The bartender smiles and hands him a chaser and 4 shots.
I was going to make love to my wife
So I went to apply lube. But instead of lube, I accidentally applied industrial glue.
I would say the world doesn’t revolve around you
But considering your weight and how gravity works, it actually does
Why does the Diabetic refuse to read Reddit on PC?
Because that would require accepting the cookies.
Why are the majority of archeologists women?
They have a natural ability to dig up the past.
The night was dark and the hour was late.
Down an old alley, a shit truck flew. A bump was made, a cry was heard and a man was killed by a flying turd.