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How the Ancient Greece had gay sex
There was no lubricant at the time, so one man came up with the idea to use olive oil. Now, you might be wondering “what funny about this?” I personally find it really neat that the Ancient Greece loved that ancient grease.
Ant statues
Jim was a sculptor; one day he wanted to prove his skills and decided to enter competitions. He found one where a millionaire has asked people to build a statue of an ant with two conditions: the ant should have toes and it should be as tall as possible. Jim spent some time planning, creating prototypes and eventually narrowed it down to two entries when suddenly the millionaire has bankrupted. The millionaire was left with just a dairy farm, so the reward for winning the competition was changed to a lifetime supply of milk from that place. Hearing that, Jim decided to participate with the smaller of his two statues of ants with toes. — That will lower your chances to win, why on earth would you do that? - asked his friend. — I just realised it. I… - Jim hesitated - …lack toes in taller ant.
Silent and not smelly…
A man goes to the doctor’s office and waits for his turn to be seen. Once inside, the doctor asks him what’s wrong. Man: I have a weird problem, doc. It doesn’t affect anyone else but is a minor inconvenience for me. I thought I should see you and get it checked anyway. Doctor: Ahem.. good. So whats wrong? Man: you see, I fart a lot… like all the time. But its okay because they are totally silent and not smelly at all. In fact since coming in here I must have farted two dozen times but you wouldn’t have noticed. Doctor: Hmm, interesting… here, take this medicine everyday and see me in a week. A week goes by and the man is back. Man (clearly upset): What crappy medicine have you given me, you quack? My farts, although still silent, are like the worst smelling shit now. Doctor: Good. So now that we have cleared your sinuses, lets work on your hearing…
When I heard the sad news that Gilbert Gottfried had passed away....
I half-expected his cause of death was anaphylAFLAC shock.
What Will did on Oscars night was a disgrace to his family and comedy…
Just a big slap in the face.
Banker And Lawyer..
If a banker and a lawyer were both drowning and you could only save one, would you go to lunch or read the paper?
A friend of mine was amazed to find that IKEA now has a pharmacy section!!
Yeah, he bought some enemas but he had to put them up himself.