The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.
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A daughter asks her father if she can have a sleepover in the living room one night.
The father agrees. Her friends come over and one of them asks her when was the last night she had an orgasm. She says, “Idk. Maybe about 3 days ago.” The father then bursts into the living room and shouts, “I KNEW YOU WERE FAKING IT LAST NIGHT!”
What animal walks on 3 legs and are a well known dish when hot but also don’t make you feel hot?
A dog holding a bottle of water.
And the Lord said unto John, "Come forth and you will receive eternal life."
But John came fifth, and won a toaster.
A lady goes to a pet-store to buy her snake a mouse
Every time she walks in the store The parrot in the corner screeches You’re Fucking Ugly! The lady demands to see the manager… Ok’ I’ll have a word with it… The next time she walks in… The parrot screeches “You Know!”
Interviewer asked me about my strengths ad weaknesses
I said my strength is I have no weaknesses and my weakness I got no strengths.
Milk production on a dairy farm has slowed down…
Management needs to figure out what’s going wrong, so they hire three consultants. A psychologist, an engineer, and a physicist. The psychologist spends a few days wandering the fields before returning to the farmer and saying “The cows are stressed tf out. Give them a window for natural light and more room to move, and they’ll make you more milk”. The engineer studies the dairy equipment for a few days and writes up a report. There are major sources of inefficiency that are bottlenecking capacity. Replace some of the tubing, and production will increase by 15-30%. The physicist spends months and months on the problem before finally publishing his perfect solution. Unfortunately, it only applies to spherical cows in a vacuum.