The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did in his sleep.

Not like all the screaming passengers in his school bus.

You wanna know a joke?

>!Texas law enforcement!<

The problem isn’t that diabetes runs in the family.

The problem is no one runs in the family

A blind man was hit by a car last week

He never saw it coming.

A termite walks into a bar.

He looks around and say ”hey where is the bar tender around here?”

A weasel walks into a bar. Bartender says “Wow I’ve never served a weasel before what can I get for you?

“Pop” goes the weasel

I used to be two separate cells in two human bodies…

now i’m a human body in a separate cell

My son spilled ketchup on his shirt.

- Crap, how do I treat this? - With respect!

Walter, an elder man is asked "when you die how would you like to go?"

He replies "just like my uncle! Peacefully and in his sleep. Unlike the passengers in his car!"

Back before the train was invented,

We had to run a wagon on your mom.

What did one nut say when leaving the other nut?

Cashew later.

I gave my Marine buddy a gag gift.

I thought it would be funny to give him a 30 piece wooden jigsaw puzzle, intended for toddlers, as a birthday gift, but it backfired on me. Now, every time I see him, I have to listen to him brag about his puzzle skills. "The box says 2-4 years, but I finished it in only a week and a half!"

Why were Alphabet Soup Stories so popular amongst the poor?

They were mistaken for A-soup Fables