The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.
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What’s the difference between a gun and a feminist?
A gun actually does something when it’s triggered.
What do Indians think of Queen Elizabeth death?
If there is any IT related jobs needed for the funeral!
The Pope speeding.
The Pope was visiting the U.S. and had spent a busy day in D.C. addressing the U.S. Congress and meeting with top political and religious figures. Afterwards, his chauffeur took him for an evening tour of some of the city’s beautiful monuments. At the end of the evening the chauffeur asked the Pope if there was anything else he would like to see or do. The Pope thought for a minute and then replied “Yes, there is something I would love to do! When I was a younger man I loved to drive cars, but I haven’t had the opportunity to do that for a long time. I wonder - would you allow me to drive back to my hotel?” The chauffeur agreed, and they changed places, the Pope switching to the driver’s seat and the chauffeur climbing into the back. The Pope turned out to be a very good driver, and the traffic was light, so when the Pope was driving down Connecticut Avenue to his hotel he decided to speed up a bit. He ended up driving much faster than the speed limit and got pulled over by a motorcycle cop. The policeman walked up the the limo, took a good look, and then hurried back to his motorcycle and called the Sergeant -in-charge at his Precinct: Officer: “Sergeant, I’ve got a real predicament here.” Sergeant: “What happened?” Officer: “I pulled over a limo for speeding, and there is a very important person in it.” Sergeant: “Well who? A Congressman?” Officer: “No. More important!” Sergeant: “A Senator?” Officer: “No. More important.” Sergeant: “The Vice President?” Officer: “More important!!” Sergeant: “Well damn it, Officer. Just tell me who it is.” Officer: “I actually don’t know - but he must be extremely important because he’s using the Pope as his chauffeur!”
Twitter has provided a new feature - an edit button.
But I feel like many of its users are already used to rubbing one out.
Before moving to England I spent some time in Poland...
It definitely helped me polish my English.
God said to John, "come forth and receive eternal life".
But instead, John came fifth and won a toaster.
Quasimodo was feeling down about being ugly. His mother sent him to ask the magic mirror who’s is the ugliest person in the world.
A few minutes later Quasimodo came back and asked “Who’s Elon Musk?”
Having lesbian parents must be GREAT
Instead of punishing you when you get in trouble, they just say “wait til your dad gets home!”
There is nothing wrong with making love with the light on…
just make sure the car door is closed.
There must be a lot of fuckers in Alabama.
Motherfuckers, fatherfuckers, brotherfuckers, sisterfuckers, the lost goes on. Even probably a couple cousinfuckers, unclefuckers and auntfuckers. Maybe even some grandpafuckers and grandmafuckers!