The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.
New at better-not-say-it.com: Our hot joke section. Have fun laughing with our sensationally funny jokes:
What do you have if your donkey eats the legs off of my rooster?
Two feet of my cock in your ass!
While driving down the road, two robbers jumped into my car and stole everything.
They were pirates of the car I be in.
The atheist and the bear
One day, an atheist man was walking through the woods. He was a proud atheist, never skipping the opportunity to mock those of faith for their ignorance and blindness to reality. He was enjoying his stroll through nature. All of a sudden, there was a loud crashing behind him. He turned to look and saw a massive bear charging at him. He turned and ran for his life. He looked over his shoulder but there bear was gaining, it was almost on him! Desperately he poured on more speed only to trip and fall to the ground. He rolled and looked up and saw the bear above him, paw raised to strike! He threw his arms over his face and screamed “Oh God!” Everything stopped. The bear froze, the birds stopped mid flight, even the stream pauses. And the man saw a light from the heavens and heard a voice saying “All your life, you have denied my existence. You have relentlessly persecuted my followers and attributed all my creation to a cosmic accident. And now you call upon me. Am I to now count you as a believer?” The atheist, ever proud, replied “I suppose it would be hypocritically to be called a Christian after all these years. But, could you make the bear a Christian?” “Very well.” Said the voice. The light withdrew, the stream started flowing, the birds continued their flight. The bear slowly put his paw down, and looked gently at the man, seeming to smile. Then he brought both paws together, bowed his head, closed his eyes and said “Lord, I give thanks for this food I am about to eat.”
What do the English do immediately after winning the FIFA World Cup?
Turn off the Playstation.
Do you know why the markets are green since the start of the week?
Cuz Green Day woke up after September ended.
European Heaven & Hell
Heaven: The British are the police, the French are chefs, the Germans are the mechanics, the Swiss are the administrators, and the Italians are the lovers. Hell: The Germans are the police, the British are the chefs, the French are the mechanics, the Italians are the administrators, and the Swiss are the lovers.
A duck walks into a pub…
He walks up to the landlord and asks for a pint of bitter. The landlord is a bit taken aback, but thinks custom is custom, he’ll serve the duck. The landlord asks, ‘We don’t get many ducks in here, what’s your name? Had a good day? ’ ‘Huey’, replies the duck. ‘Not a bad day. Just duck-stuff. Eating bread, paddling around in ponds, in and out of puddles.’ Sure enough, Huey finishes his pint and waddles out of the pub. 20 minutes later, to the Landlord’s astonishment, another duck waddles his way in. The Landlord, bemused, says ‘You’re the second duck we’ve had in today. Bitter, is it?’ The duck nods and the landlord continues, ‘What’s your name then, had a decent day?’ The duck replies, ‘I’m Bluey. Nice to meet you. Yeah, a decent day. Just doing duck stuff. Eating. Swimming. In and out of puddles. The usual.’ Bluey finishes up and waddles out. A few hours later, another duck wanders in. The Landlord, confused and amused says, ‘Let me guess, your name is Lewey.’ The duck, looking a bit grumpy, retorts, ‘I don’t know what you’re on about. My name’s Puddles.’
I want to open a Star Wars themed cafe that caters to people who are obsessed with bubble tea.
I am going to call it Boba Fetish.
They say an apple a day keeps the doctor away…
I grew a whole damn orchard and still can’t get rid of these medical bills