The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.

On a crucifix…why is Jesus always depicted with well defined abs?

CrossFit

What do turtles and travis scott have in common?

They both eat plastic

A funny joke

Knock Knock! Whos there? Reddit Reddit who? Reddit Mods

Algorithm

Mike Tyson quoting Al Gore phrases.

Why is a horse scared of a jockey?

Because it is a horse jerky

What do you call a billionaire drug lord who runs his global empire out of a supermarket?

Pablo Tescobar

I don’t think I could ever date a polyamorous piano player

In a relationship I gotta be the only one with a pianist.

A Danish man entered the international cow milking competition

The man was considered a legend in Denmark and it was said that he could get any cow to produce 20 litres of milk at a time. The people of his country, including his wife and children, were sure that the Danish man would win the competition. The American first went up on stage — the crowd cheered loudly. Two women then brought a cow on stage and walked her up to the American. The American got down on his knees and began milking the cow. He went all in and eventually ended up getting the cow to produce 8 litres of milk. The crowd cheered loudly as he left the stage. Then an Indian went on stage. Another cow was brought in and he began milking her. He ended up producing 12 litres of milk. The crowd cheered even more loudly than before as he left the stage. Then came time for the Danish man. The crowd cheered loudly as he entered the stage and kept screaming “legend legend legend…”. A cow was then brought to him. The Danish man began milking the cow. To everyone’s surprise he could only get cow to produce 4 litres of milk. Everyone in the crowd started to boo him off stage. His wife and kids were shocked and the people watching him from Denmark broke their television sets out of frustration. As they were travelling back home, his wife said “You’ve disappointed your entire country. Don’t you feel even a bit ashamed?” The man said “Ashamed? Absolutely. Those motherfuckers gave me a bull!”

What do you call a criminal who laughs at everything you say?

Jimmy Felon

Dad ‘do you know what your sister said when she lost her virginity?’

Son ‘dad, please don’t’ Dad ‘exactly’

Why are women in the Postal service….

When it’s such a mail dominated industry.

A bird bit me.

Owl.

What did my girl do when my pubic hair got stuck in her teeth?

She started flossing to get the gunk out.