The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.
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Did you hear that Shirley MacLaine once let Robert Redford rip off all her clothes?
Well, it was unavoidable; try to put a left-handed nut together with a right-handed stud and at least one of them is going to end up stripped.
If you’re 16 and pregnant
I’m not giving you my seat on the bus. You can stand in the corner and think about what you did
I’m sick of the stereotype that we Americans don’t know anything about geography, especially when it’s said by Europeans
How dare you people from Europe — such a small country — claim that you know more about the land?
A couple is playing golf, when accidentally the ball flies out of the field and breaks a window of a nearby house
The house looks quite expensive, and the couple is very nervous, wondering how much they have to pay for the window. They knock the door, and a middle aged man opens it. The husband apologizes: “Good afternoon sir. I and my wife were playing golf here. We didn’t mean it, but we have to apologize for your broken window. It was done by us and it was a pure accident”. The man is not angry at all, instead, he answers with a smiling face: “So it was you two. No problem at all. In fact , I have to thank you for that”. The couple is confused and asks why. The man explains: “Well I’m actually a genie living in a lamp in this house for at least hundreds of years. Your ball didn’t only break the window, but the lamp as well. Now I am free thanks to you. I hereby offer you three wishes”. The couple is shocked that the accident turns a giant surprise, and they proceed to making wishes. “We want to be billionaires!”, says the wife. The man waves his hand and says “Done. One billion dollars each has been in your bank accounts”. “We, want to stay young forever”, says the husband. The man waves his hand again, and says “Done. From tomorrow, your biological age will grow reversely until you reach the age of 18, then it will stop”. “For the last wish, we want to stay healthy forever”, says the couple together. The man waves his hand again and says “Done. From now on, no disease will ever trouble you”. Th couple is so grateful, and thanks the man “Mr genie, you have changed our life forever. We don’t have how we can thank you for such a great favor”. “Well actually I do have a request for you”, says the man “Look, I’ve been trapped in the lamp for hundreds of years, that means I’ve never touched a woman for hundreds of years. I am now quite thirsty for s*x, so if you can satisfy me for just once, it will be very appreciated”. The couple hesitates and discuss about it. Initially they don’t want to agree, but after realizing the genie has turned them into immortal billionaires and his request is relatively so small, they reluctantly agree. The wife and the man then go to his bedroom and do what the man asked for. After one hour, the sweating two are lying on the bed to have a rest. The man asks the wife how old she is. The wife replies that she’s 30. The man bursts into laughter and says “So you are telling me you are as old as 30 but still believe in genie stories?”
By working faithfully eight hours a day,
you may get to be a boss and work twelve hours a day.
When the God created the Man...
When the God created the man... ... She was just joking.
The Russian War in Ukraine is going so badly ...
... that Republicans are thinking of putting up statues of Russian Generals and naming Army bases after them.
The jokes from IKEA are great, but
a:1 b:1 c:1 d:1 e:4 f:1 h:3 i:2 l:3 n:2 o:3 p:1 r:1 s:1 t:2 u:4 v:1 Y:1 y:1
My kid came home and asked if I wanted to hear a dirty joke…
He said: 2 pigs fell in the mud and three came out