The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.

when you have skin in the game, you do it…

for skin. for play.

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his crotch.

The bartender says, “Hey, what’s wrong with the steering wheel?” The pirate says, “Arrr, it’s drivin’ me nuts!”

A mathematician and an engineer play a game to get laid…

At the other end of this room,” the Game Master points out, “is a beautiful, young, naked, consenting woman. If you reach her, she will fulfill any and all of your fantasies.” The mathematician and engineer both look at each other with excitement. “The only rule is that each step you take toward the bed can only be half the size of the last step.” The mathematician studies the situation for a moment, frowns, and then remarks, “Oh forget it! I know how this one ends. I’m going home.” The Engineer also studies the situation, grins, and then begins walking toward the woman. “Didn’t you hear me!” shouts the Mathematician. “It’s a mathematical certainty you’ll never reach her!” “Perhaps you’re right,” he says. “But soon I’ll be close enough that for all practical purposes, it won’t matter!”

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb.

Only one. But the light bulb has really got to want to change.

What’s the best part about dating a homeless girl?

You can drop her off anywhere

A girl I was dating told me she liked to be peed on

I said, “I’m not sure about all that but you’ll love what I left on the toilet seat!”

My friend sells hearing aids over the phone (he really does) my favorite joke is:

"Hello, can you hear me?" "Yes." "Shit" Click

How did John Travolta end up in the hospital.?

He slipped in Grease.

My girlfriend has the same name as my sister...

So whenever we´re having sex and she screams: "Say my name", I always feel bad, because it reminds me of my girlfriend...

I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone,

but they’ve always worked for me.

Chuck Norris had cancer

The cancer died from Chuck Norris.

France should be disqualified!

They have one Tchouaméni on the pitch.

Fred was driving his truck when he got into a wreck with a car.

Fred was driving his truck when he got into a wreck with a car. The car was totaled. Fred was fine. The next week, Fred was on his motorcycle when a car pulled out in front of him. The car was totaled. Fred was fine. The next week, Fred was crossing the street when a car hit him. The car was totaled. Fred was fine. The next week, Fred went to an immunologist and discovered he had an autoimmune disease.