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Why are cats so relaxed?

Because they live in the meow.

Paul McCartney, les clay pool, and flea walk out of a store angry

Les: man that store was crap, not even a single cable Flea: yeah all the strings they had are so thin, they’d break after one slap Paul: lads I think we misread the name of the store

A few months ago I lost the retaining clip while replacing a shear pin on my snowblower. I found it today after the snow melted.

>!Welcome back cotter!!<

What do you tell someone who is looking to ride a vehicle with pedals?

Tri-cycle-ing

What is The Reason why riding on a tour with owls was such an unpleasant experience?

Because Hoobastank.

I asked my German friend, “What’s a three letter word for compete?”

Friend: Vie. Me: Because I’m trying to finish a crossword.

I tried wheelchair basketball yesterday, and I was pretty good!

I was really breaking ankles.

What is Harry Twatters Favorite spell?

Cunnilingus

LPT: If you are planning to settle down, don’t date a soccer player.

There’s only a 1/11 chance they are a keeper.

Every firearm can be used like a magic wand...

...but the only spell they can cast is "Avada Kedavra"

Why did the lesbian wake up and change her sexual preference

She heard the rooster say a cock a do her too

A man is like North Korea and Russia...

... ruled by a pair of nuts.

I asked a prostitute how I was doing (classic joke)

I asked a prostitute how I was doing and she said “Three nots” “What’s Three Nots?” “You’re not hard, it’s not in and you’re not getting your money back”

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