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Blonde and a Brunette walk into a bar
A blonde and a brunette walk into a bar. The brunette tells the bartender, “I’ll have a screwdriver” The blonde asks her, “What is that?” The brunette says, “Well it’s a vodka and orange” The blonde thinks for a moment and then exclaims, “Alright, I’ll have a 15” The brunette puzzled by this asks, “What?” The blonde replies, “Oh you know, a seven and seven”
What did the motivational speaker say when they were being catfished?
**carp**e **DM**
Chris Webber
When Chris Webber gets in a fight with his wife does she end it by saying, “You need a timeout!” (Original by me)
A Catholic priest, paedophile and criminal walk into a restaurant...
Just a table for one father?
My penis was in Guinness book of world records
Then, the librarian told me to take it out.
Me and my mates stayed up all night last night telling Yo Mama jokes.
She’s got a great sense of humour. Send my love.
Miracle kid
A boy suddenly starts to tell things strange. He says his uncle will die in three days. No one believes him and tells the boy to shut the fuck up. Uncle dies 3 days after. He says his grandpa will die in 3 days. He dies 3 days after, as like before. And one week later, he tells that his father will die in 3 days. His father talks and spends time with the ones he loves. The nextdoor neighbor dies.
In the 1930s, a farmer attempted to steal cows from a neighbouring farm.
He became a bit of a local legend. No one knew exactly why he stole them, and we still don’t know to this day. Some say he was just in a desperate situation, some say these cows had been abused and that he was rescuing them, some say he was just a greedy old farmer. He attempted this great bovine burglary by stealing a train one night that ran on a line that went past both farms to load up the cows. The cows he tried to steal were all the shortest cows of the herd, and people use this fact to try to prove their point. “Oh those were probably the ones most mistreated”, “ah, see those cows are lowest to the ground, they’ll eat the grass more efficiently, growing faster than all the others!”, “No no, they’ll be low enough to the floor of the train carriage, any passers by wouldn’t be able to see them through the window!” Unfortunately, no one will ever know for sure, as on the way back, cows in tow, he crashed the train and sadly passed away later that night. Thankfully the cows survived and were returned home. Once more, questions arose as to how this happened. Was it a problem with the train itself? Could it have been his own incompetence? We’ll never know. And so, this farmer became a local legend. A hero brought down by a faulty train to some, a villain taken out by his own hubris to others. No one ever figured out if he did have good low-cow motives.