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had an old Catholic girlfriend try and talk to me the other day...
Call that "excommunication"
My great grandad used to make fabric booths for clairvoyants and fortune tellers..
He was a con-tent creator.
A woman is in a search for a public bathroom
She finally finds one on the street. There are no gender designations on it. Just as she tries to open the door a man comes out. She asks in a hurry: - Coeducated? The man is looking confused. - No, I took a shit.
Ancestry
My co-worker tells the best stories. He said: I did that ancestry DNA thing and it came back that I was 20% American Indian. It makes sense because after I went to prom it rained for 2 weeks.
The newspaper had a story of two raisins that each cheated on their partners together.
I thought that was odd, but then I realised I was reading about Currant Affairs
Why does LGBT always have to have a Q?
I mean, is it too much to want to enjoy my Lipton Grey British Tea without waiting every time?
What do you call it when two different groups of city birds try to communicate with each other?
A pigeon pidgin
Did you hear Stormy Daniels wrote a book about the morality of the adult entertainment industry? NSFW
It’s called “Two Dongs Don’t Make It Tight”.
Time traveller walks into a bar
Bartender says, “we don’t serve time travellers here.” Time traveller responds, “since when?”
Celebrations were held at NASA today
After the Curiosity rover had discovered feline life on the Planet Mars Celebrations were wild and rampant until the rover made an unexpected turn and ran over the creature. A NASA employee was heard saying "Turns out Curiosity Killed the cat"
In a first year college course on philosophy, the instructor noticed one of their students about to fall asleep, so asked,
"You there, what is work?" The student opened their eyes, thought for a second and responded, "Everything is work." "What? Everything is work?" "Yes, teacher." "Then I take it you would like the class to believe that this desk is work?" "Yes, wood work", they replied wearily."