The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.

What do you call a line at an anime convention?

A queuwu

Punny (mid-long, kid friendly)

A string. Yes, a string. A string takes a seat at a bar and orders. Bartender: you a string? String: …yeah… Bartender: we don’t serve strings here Defeated, the string leaves. Outside, he peels back some of his ends and twists the fragments around and through one-another. He goes back. Has a seat… Bartender: we don’t serve strings here, ARE YOU A STRING?!? String: I’m a frayed knot.

How do you identify a dogwood tree?

By its bark.

What do you call an Eggo that burps?

A belching waffle.

I have a joke about a boxer at the DMV

...but I forgot the punchline

Eating 10 burgers a day helps lose weight

I tried for a month, and my bank account lost so many pounds

What’s the difference between Bollywood and Hollywood?

One has a cast of characters, the other characters of caste.

What do you call a woman tied to a jetty?

Maude

Why did the baker have smelly hands?

He kneaded a poo

There’s so much debate about whether to allow Russian athletes to compete internationally

Whatever else happens I hope they let Russians compete in the Paralympics. With the way the war’s going they’ll have a heck of a team

Guy and a Girl on a first date.

Guy: "So, what kind of movies do you like?" Girl: "I like movies where I need a tissue." Guy: "Oh my god! Me too!"

What does a lesbian birdwatcher do in her free time?

She looks at tits

I finally, after 35 years, have made my own two line joke

What’s a gooses’s favorite vegetable? Asparagoose.