The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.
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after 60 years, my grandparents died within hours of each other
After being together for over 60 years, it was just so sweet that they died within hours of each other. The bond they had with each other was just so strong, and also my granddad nailed the windows shut after setting fire to the house.
why do humans have different blood groups?
so that mosquitoes can enjoy different flavors
I walked out of my room and my dad was standing there
I walked out of my room and my dad was there waiting for me. My eyes were extremely red. He asked what I had been doing. I said: “Weed, dad”. He replies: “Nah you just cried you weak son of a b-“.
Job interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
Me: I would say my biggest weakness is listening.
A man is driving his care and it breaks in front of a Buddhist monastery
He goes inside and asks for a place to spend the night. The oldest monk in the monastery gives him a room, but warns him: “If you try to start something with my wife, you will have to face the three ultimate forms of torture.” The man agrees, but when he sees the wife, he is stunned. In the middle of the night, he wakes her up, and they get to business. In the morning, he wakes up with a huge rock placed on his chest, with a note saying. “The first ultimate form of torture. A rock on your chest.” The man doesn’t think about it much and throws the rock out of a window. But then, he sees a second note. “The second ultimate form of torture: your left testicle attached to the rock.” The man panics, sees that he can’t catch the rock, and jumps out of the window. Then he sees the third note on the outer wall: “The third ultimate form of torture: your right testicle attached to the bed.