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They say you are what you eat

But I don’t remember eating a sex offender

What did one German bread say to the other?

Gluten Tag

Russian soldiers marching

**There are some Russian soldiers marching They hear a voice shout from over a hill,** **“I bet one Ukrainian can beat ten Russians!” The Russian sergeant, thinking that it would be** **easy, sent ten men over the hill to fight. They heard a fighting and noise. No Russian soldiers came** **back. After a minute they heard the voice again, “I bet 1 Ukrainian can beat 100 Russians!”** **The sergeant, getting more annoyed now, decided to send some of his men over, to finish this Ukrainian off. After a while of noise and bangs, no Russian soldiers came back, and the voice shouted again, “I bet 1 Ukrainian can beat 1000 Russians!” The sergeant, thinking that 1 soldier could not possibly beat 1000, sent his troops over. Again, there was lots of noise, but then, silence.** **1 Russian soldier returned this time, bloody and bruised, barely walking. The soldier said:** **“Don’t send any more men over; there’s actually 2 Ukrainians.”**

How do you get Trump to stop talking?

Ask him a question under oath.

Which American football stadium has the best cars?

Probably Lambeau Field.

Why is Batman great in bed?

Since he’s not a superhero, he uses gadgets

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because we all know that 7 8(ate) 9 But why was 10 afraid? Because he was in the middle off 9/11

why do they call Chicago the windy city?

Because of all the bullets whizzing past.

why did the gynecologist go to Jurassic Park?

to see the vagina sores

Why do jews have big noses?

Because air is free.

Two fish are in a tank

The one says to the other “How do you drive this?”

What’s Your Name, Sailor?

The crusty Navy Master Chief noticed a new face and barked at him, -“Get over here! What’s your name, sailor?” - “John,” the new seaman replied. - “Look, I don’t know what kind of bleeding-heart pansy crap they’re teaching sailors in boot camp these days, but I don’t call anyone by his first name,” the chief scowled. “It breeds familiarity, and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my sailors by their last names only; Smith, Jones, Baker, Jackson, whatever. And you are to refer to me as ‘Master Chief.’ Do I make myself clear?” - “Aye, Aye, Master Chief!” - “Now that we’ve got that straight, what’s your last name?” The seaman sighed. - “Darling, My name is John Darling, Master Chief.” - “Okay, John, here’s what I want you to do ….”

Wait judge you mean to tell me

That blunt forced that trauma?

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