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Did you hear about the guy who was born in Normal, Illinois and went to college in Standard, Illinois?
Overall he led a pretty average life.
Four monks were called by an abbot for a test of purity. They were asked to drop their robes and stand naked.
The abbot brought four small bells and asked the monks to tie them to their penis. Their task was to stand still and not make the bell ring. The task seemed easy until the abbot brought a super hot model into the room. None of the bells rang ,so the abbot asked the super model to do a strip dance. The model tried her best to fail the monks in their test of purity ,but she failed and was asked to leave the room. The abbot felt proud and happy. Just as he was to dismiss the monks, one of the monks dropped his paper and he stepped forward and leaned forward to pick up the paper. All four bells stared to ring.
[nsfw] I used a nice piece of silk neckwear to bind the wrists of both my wife and my girlfriend.
It was a three-way tie.
If I had a quarter for every time someone over 40 told me my generation sucks...
Then I could afford a house in the economy they ruined.
I was banned from playing soccer due to my two-foot tackle
Though it did wonders for my career in adult films.
What do you call an argument between two drunks after last call?
A spirited debate.
3 Blondes walk into a bar.
# 3 Blondes walk into a bar. # You would think that once the first one walked into it, the other 2 would walk around it.
What do you get when you try to crossbreed a human and a moose?
Arrested apparently
Two ranchers are driving down a dirt road.
Two ranchers are driving down a dirt road when they come across a sheep with its head stuck in the fence. The first rancher says “Man I haven’t had any pussy in weeks!” He jumps out of the truck and just starts fucking the sheep. The first rancher looks over at the second and says “ Hey, do you want any of this?” The second rancher replies “Sure….but do I have to put my head in the fence?”