The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.

I just found my wife has a Tinder profile and I’m furious.

She is absolutely not “adventurous”, and “fun to be around”!

According to the dictionary, the prefix para can mean many things. Among them are: alongside of, beside, near, resembling, beyond, apart from, and abnormal.

So a breast enlargement is a paratittites.

What do you call an old fart with no sense of direction?

A compass.

What do you call it when a hot twink doesn’t know how many dicks they’ve taken they past month?

>!He is faggotfull.!<

Police thought that I was too drunk to be driving...

When they stopped me, they asked me to say the alphabet starting with"M" They put me in the back of the patrol when I replied: "Malphabet"

They say fake it ‘til you make it

And ever since my wife gave birth to our son, I can’t get her to orgasm

What is Beethoven doing now?

De-composing.

According to the Time Honoured British Tradition...

They are now outsourcing their problems to some Indian guy when they invest neither the resources or time or skill to resolve it themselves.

America is truly the land of opportunity...

Where else could Michael Jackson have have been born as a poor black boy and grown up to be a rich white woman?

my mother is very nonchalant

She just keeps getting mad at my cousin

A man walks into a cake shop

A man walks into a cake shop and asks for a cake in the shape of the letter e. The clerk says no problem come back tomorrow. The next day the man goes back and is presented with the cake. “No no this is all wrong. I need a lower case e, this cake is an uppercase E. Please can you make a new one, I really need it today?” The lady reluctantly agrees. The man comes back in the afternoon and is presented with a cake in the shape of lowercase e. “Perfect, just what I needed. You’re a life saver!” The lady asks if he would like it gift wrapped. “No thanks, I’ll just eat it here.”

Two guys walk into a bar.

One gets up.

Friends

I used to have a buddy and we would play the game I spotted the ginger. Basically you had to be first to spot the ginger and make it known. He died in a car crash but I bought a ouija board and continued to play the game. Recently he hasn’t been responding I guess he has ghosted me