The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.
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I once went on a school trip to a coffee factory.
We were having a guided tour around the production line but sadly one of my friends fell into the coffee grinder and died. Luckily it was instant.
A man is lying on the beach, sun bathing, wearing nothing but a cap over his crotch.
A woman passes by and remarks "If you were a gentleman, you would lift your hat for a lady ..." He replies "If you were any sort of sexy lady, the hat would lift by itself!"
Girlfriends mad I didn’t give her a Woody for her birthday.
But she didn’t get me a Buzz?
What is claustrophobia?
It’s when you’re afraid of Santa Clause.. Ho Ho Ho motherfucker
A computer scientist was once offered the opportunity to feed a shark.
He turned it down, because he did not want to RISC losing his ARM.
A sorcerer who heals blindness solely through the purity of their faith.
Opti-Mystic
Why can’t chess players ever have a one night stand?
Because they always start with 2 knights in a row
Guy and a penguin pull up to a gas station, guy walks into the gas station…
Gas station cashier: ‘Woah dood, why ya gotta penguin in your car?!’ The guy: ‘he wont stop following me around… I don’t know what to do with him.’ Gas station cashier: ‘Bruh!! Take him to the zoo!’ The guy: ‘Great idea! The ZOO! I hadn’t thought of that, thank you!’ *ONE WEEK LATER* Guy pulls back into the same gas station, penguin still riding in the passenger seat, guy walks into the gas station… Gas station cashier: ‘Oh man I thought you were gonna take him to the zoo??!’ The guy: ‘We went, he had a great time!!’