The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.
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Skydive
Paddy was telling Mick about his first skydive: When I got to the door I couldn’t jump. So the 6 ft 7” instructor unzipped his fly and drops his 8” and says if you don’t jump, you’re going to get this up your arse!!! Mick asks: Did you jump? Paddy replies: A little bit when it first went in
I was actually named after Trump...
No, really: Trump was named in 1946 while I was named in 2003.
It’s okay to say “hi” to the man in the adjoining urinal
It’s even okay to ask him how his day is It’s not okay to say, “Hi, nice watch!”
Pillsbury Doughboy death notice.
Sad news: It is with great sadness that we report the passing of the Pillsbury Doughboy. The cause of his death was from a yeast infection and trauma from repeated pokes in his belly. Doughboy was buried in a greased coffin, with the gravesite piled high with flours. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects; including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, The Hostess Twinkies, and Capt. Crunch. Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Born and raised in Minnesota, Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being flakey at times, he was still a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions. Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play Dough, and his three children: John Dough, Jane Dough, and Dosey Dough. He and his wife also had one in the oven. He is also survived by his father, Pop Tart. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.
A Japanese business man visiting New York City walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a "Stoli with a twist"
The bartender leans over the bar and say "Once upon a time...
If you take the first two letters of the second word from the title of each of the three LOTR films, it spells out a secret message
LOLOLO
I invited my girlfriend to the gym the other day. She didn’t turn up.
We just aren’t working out.
What do oral sex and smoking cigarettes have in common?
The flavor changes when you get to the butt.