The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.
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Teacher: What would you choose, more IQ or more money?
Student: The money. You teacher? Teacher: IQ, why money though? Student: Everyone gets what they lack...
Which one touches the ground faster, a watermelon or an emo kid?
The watermelon. The emo kid’s attached to a rope.
What is the difference between Santa Claus and a Jew?
One enters through the chimney, the other leaves through it.
Two guys walk into a bar
A philosopher and a physician walk into a fabulous tiki beach bar in Florida and both order drinks. After a while the philosopher addresses the physician, "Have you read Marx?" The physician replies, "Yes, I blame these wicker bar stools."
I saw this kid crying today, so I asked him where his parents were
I couldn’t tell what he was saying though. It was hard to hear over the other kids in the orphanage
“Hitler” is pronounced by stretching out the “i” into double e’s
Cause he knew how to turn up the heat
A guy is sitting at the bar when he
notices a dog on the floor licking his nuts. He turns to the bar tender and says, “Man, that’s amazing. I would love if I could do that.” The bartender looks at him and says, “I’m sure he’d appreciate that very much.”
Guy gets pulled over by the cops.
Cop: It seems you have been drinking. Could you say the alphabet starting with the letter "M". Guy: No problem. "Malphabet."
Waiter: How would you like your steak sir?
Me: like winning an argument with my wife Waiter: good choice, rare it is.
After my accident, I woke up in hospital with a sexy nurse standing over me
She said “You may not feel anything from the waist down.” “Fair enough,” I replied, and felt her breasts.