The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.
New at better-not-say-it.com: Our hot joke section. Have fun laughing with our sensationally funny jokes:
Jill sees a gorilla in a tree in her yard
So she calls the police informing them of what she has seen. The dispatch informed her to use the phone book to find a gorilla catcher near her. Sure enough there is a section of gorilla catchers. So she calls and one arrives at her property. Bob shows up with handcuffs, pit bull, and a shotgun. So bob explains to Jill that he will need her help. He will climb up the tree. Shake the tree until the gorilla falls and the dog will go for the gorillas crotch. The gorilla will be in so much pain that you will be able to easily handcuff the gorilla. So bob is about to climb up when jill ask what about the shotgun. Bob says “oh I forgot the most important part, sometimes while shaking the tree, I may fall off instead. If that’s the case I need you to shoot the f’ing dog”
If Johnny Depp learned only one thing…
It’s that when you ask for fresh sheets on your bed, make sure you speak loud and clear
My New Company
A buddy of mine and I have decided to go into business making truck bed covers out of oak, maple and teak. The business name will be U-Like Products. When someone asks what that contraption is on the back of your truck, you can proudly respond, "Wooden U-Like tonneau."
Old Asian man ordered forty-two coffees. I said “you sure?”. He nodded yes…
Poured about 7 coffees and he starts shouting stop! stop! stop! I’m like “what happened?!” He repeated his order “ I want 4 tea 2 coffee” …
"Have the double reed players arrived?" the conductor asked...
The flautist responded, "Not yet... Bas-soon."
Is Google male or female?
Female because it refuses to let me finish a sentence before making suggestions.
A new 007 movie is coming
It will celebrate the LBTQIA+-@ community. It will start with James as a man and in the middle of the movie he will transition into a woman. The working title is “Cocktopussy”
Amber Heard’s rich ex dies.
He wants to take his fortune with him, so before dying, he entrusts his entire fortune of 3 billion dollars to his doctor, his best friend and Amber with a request to put the money in his casket when he’s buried. During the funereal, the doctor comes and puts $ 990 million in the casket. He then weeps and begs forgiveness; he kept $ 10 million to aid refugees from the Ukrainian war. The best friend also puts in $ 990 million, he begs forgiveness as he kept $ 10 million to feed the homeless in America. At this, Amber stands up; she is outraged at such indecency and gives a fiery speech shaming both the doctor and the best friend until all the attendees are up on their feet, clapping for Amber and booing the doctor and the best friend. The doctor and the best friend, already remorseful, puts the $ 20 million they had withheld into the coffin and apologise profusely. Amber goes to the casket, picks up the entire $ 2 billion from the casket, says: “I pledge $ 3 billion to my ex in his afterlife” and walks away.
Did you hear about the guy who died from eating a poison shoe?
It was laced with cyanide