The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.

One “Oh shit” can erase a thousand

“Attaboys.”

What do you call the cockpit when the pilots are female?

The box office.

Modified herpes virus shows promise killing off cancer cells -CNN

In other news, your mom is in remission

Where does Putin keep his armies?

In his sleevies.

The stock market is getting crushed

My calculations indicate I can retire 10 years after I die

What do you call a Jewish beer?

A hebrewski

Guy and a Girl on a first date.

Guy: "So, what kind of movies do you like?" Girl: "I like movies where I need a tissue." Guy: "Oh my god! Me too!"

Peter goes in a bar looking for a prostitute..

Boss: There is a cute girl upstairs, 50 dollar for 1 hour Guy: thanks but i‘m looking for a male Boss: thats ok, we got a nice guy too, but that would be 500 dollar Peter is Shocked and asks why there is such a difference? Boss: I can explain it, our mayor is Not a fan so we Pay him 100 .. Peter: and the guy gets the other 400 ? Boss: unfortunately we are a religious village and our priest doesnt like it too so he gets 100.. P: so the 300 will remain for him Boss: to be Honest I dont like it too so I also take 100 P: ok so at least 200 are left over, better than nothing Boss: I have to disappoint you, my coworkers Ben and Steve get 100 each for holding the guy because he doesnt like it too..

What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body?

I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage

A human fart is louder than a trombone.

I discovered this at a school concert last night.

Mom, Mom...

Dad is throwing everything that is not useful out of the windowwwwwwww...

What did the Vulcan say to his Klingon battle partner P’kache before engaging in battle?

Ha! P’kache! Dea!

Keith Richards went to the hospital for a checkup today and the results were shocking.

They found blood in his drugstream.