The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.
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The Devil goes to God and says,
Devil: “Hey, I just wanted you to know that I just got accused of doing something that I didn’t do, or take part In at all. I had nothing to do with it! This person said they knew me and i told them to do it!” God; “I know, don’t worry about. Happens to me all the time too.”
Why do fish live in salt water?
Because pepper water would make them sneeze. (Roughly translated from a recent issue of *Acadie Nouvelle*)
Power of Christ
Heard this one earlier and thought it was pretty good. I think it’s probably a repost so I’m sorry. A priest was driving along a road a bit rashly while drunk. He’s got the bottle in the passenger seat. Eventually, a cop tails him and pulls him over. Cop: “Hey Father, how’s it going?” Priest: “Pretty good, thank you.” Cop: “Have you been drinking anything this evening?” Priest: “No, just some water.” Cop (while pointing at the bottle): “Oh really? Then why is there wine in there?” The priest opens the bottle, looks inside and exclaims: “Good God, he’s done it again!”
Conductor......
A conductor kissed a girl in his bus, police took the conductor to jail and gave him electric shocks but it had no effect on him, because he was a bad conductor.
Abed the Blind Lawyer in Egypt
Abed the blind lawyer was on a business trip with his assistant, John, in Egypt. During their trip, they decided to go on a river cruise. While lounging on the sun deck, the two ended up arguing about an upcoming trial. “Look Abed,” John said, “You’re in denial. The fact is, you can’t win this one.” Abed frustratedly replied, “Don’t say that, John. I can handle this, you just can’t see it! I’ve got this one in the bag!” Abed was tired of talking business, so he decided to take a dive in the ship’s pool. While walking to the pool, he slipped and fell into the water. John shouted, “Abed, you fell into the river!” Abed calmly replied, “No, my friend, I only fell into the pool.” John shouted again, “Abed no! You are in the Nile!” Abed yelled at John, “Really?! You want to keep talking about the trial now?!”
How many Seconds are in a year?
12! January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, April 2nd, May 2nd, June 2nd, July 2nd, August 2nd, September 2nd, October 2nd, November 2nd, December 2nd.
My wife says that I enjoy more her cooking since I got COVID…
I haven’t told her that my sense of smell has not came back yet…
NBA athletes are basketball players and social justice activists until the dialogue is about Kyrie Irving
Then they’re just basketball players again