The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.

Be careful what you buy on eBay!

If you buy stuff online, check out the seller carefully. A friend had spent $95, plus postage, on a penis enlarger. Bastards sent him a magnifying glass. The only instructions said, "Do not use in sunlight."

How to lower your car without any mod

Just carry yo momma anywhere you drive?

Why did the man buy handguns from a T-Rex?

Because he is his small arms dealer

Wayne Gretzky is going down on his wife, she cums all over his face and says messy eh?

He looks up at her and says loudly no it’s me Wayne.

Why did the marsupial get the job?

He was koalafied for the position.

Camilla was really disappointed after the coronation.

She thought all rulers were 30 centimetres (12 inches)

What is difference between a baby and a bag of cocaine?

Eric Clapton would never let a bag of cocaine fall out a window.

Rang a tantric sex line earlier

I was on hold for ages It was great

Why did the carpenter switch career fields?

He had truss issues.

Why is it so hard to make soup on the weekends?

Stock market’s closed

My dad always told me I belonged to him until I was 18.

My first lesson in owning your mistakes.

I stand behind Alec Baldwin…

Cause if I stand in front of him, I’ll die.

What do Atheists and Christian Conservatives have in common?

They interpret the Bible literally.