The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.

A man was driving down the road when an officer stopped him.

The officer looked in the back of the man’s truck and said, “Why are these penguins in your truck?” The man replied, “These are my penguins. They belong to me.” “You need to take them to the zoo,” the officer said. The next day, the officer saw the same guy driving down the road. He pulled him over again. He saw the penguins were still in the truck, but they were wearing sunglasses this time. “I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo!”, the officer said. “I did,” the man replied. “And today I’m taking them to the beach."

What do you call it when Al Gore dances?

An algorithm

What music do wind turbines like?

They’re big metal fans.

Heard a Beach Boys song that sang, “We could be married…And then we’d be happy…”

And I was like “Whoa, fellas - you can’t have it both ways.”

I hate that September, October, November, and December are somehow the 9th, 10th, 11th, and 12th months of the calendar year

Whoever messed that up ought to be stabbed

What happened to the student who got kicked out of Hogwarts?

They were exspelled

What do you do if you climax before your girl does?

Who TF cares …..

I went to audition for a movie about wheelchair basketball

But the director said to me ‘break a leg’….. so I quit.

all ants are female

because if they were male, they would be called uncles

what does r/jokes and penis size have in common?

The long ones take ages to get going and most people never make it all the way to the payoff

Man goes to the doctor

Man: Hiya doc. I think I’m a moth. Doc: Fascinating! And what made you decide to come in? Man: Your light was on.

The level of pollution in the world today is becoming intolerable.

Only the other day I opened a can of sardines to find it was full of oil and all the fish were dead.

I have a real problem with rhino poaching.

You have to get the pan custom-made and then it takes forever to get the water hot.