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This white dude gets engaged, and decides to take a solo vacation to Jamaica.
Before he leaves, he gets his fiancé’s name, Wendy, tattooed on his prick. He has the tattoo artist make it so, that when he’s flaccid, his tattoo would spell WNY. When he was erect, it would spell out her full name. He arrives in Jamaica, and is having the time of his life. While at one of the nude beaches, he goes into the men’s room to take a leak. While standing at the urinal, a huge, black Jamaican dude walks in, and begins using the urinal next to him. Our guy glances over and down at the Jamaican, and notices that his cock is tattooed with WNY also. Excited, the man asks the big Jamaican, “Sir, I noticed that you have WNY tattooed on your pecker. Are you dating a girl named Wendy too?” The Jamaican laughs, and says: “Oh no, no, no, Mon. When I’m erect, my tattoo spells out - WELCOME TO JAMAICA, MON, AND HAVE A NICE DAY!”
A dentist goes out and buys the best car on the market, a brand-new Bugatti Chiron.
It is also the most expensive car in the world, and it costs him $1.5M. He takes it out for a spin and stops at a red light. An old man on a moped, looking about 90 years old, pulls up next to him. The old man looks over at the sleek shiny car and asks, “What kind of car ya got there, sonny?” The dentist replies, “A Bugatti Chiron. It cost one and a half a million dollars!” “That’s a lot of money,” says the old man. “Why does it cost so much?” “Because this car can do up to 250 miles an hour!” states the dentist proudly. The moped driver asks, “Mind if I take a look inside?” “No problem,” replies the dentist. So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Then, sitting back on his moped, the old man says, “That’s a pretty nice car, all right, but I’ll stick with my moped!” Just then the light changes, so the dentist decides to show the old man just what his car can do. He floors it, and within 30 seconds, the speedometer reads 150 mph. Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rearview mirror – what it could be…and suddenly… WHHHOOOOOOSSSSSHHH! Something whips by him going much faster! “What on earth could be going faster than my Bugatti?” the dentist asks himself. He floors the accelerator and takes the Bugatti up to 175 mph. Then, up ahead of him, he sees that it’s the old man on the moped! Amazed that the moped could pass his Bugatti, he gives it more gas and passes the moped at 210 mph. WHOOOOOOOSHHHHH! He’s feeling pretty good until he looks in his mirror and sees the old man gaining on him AGAIN! Astounded by the speed of his old guy, he floors the gas pedal and takes the Bugatti all the way up to 250 mph. Not ten seconds later, he sees the moped bearing down on him again! The Bugatti is flat out, and there’s nothing he can do! Suddenly, the moped plows into the back of his Bugatti, demolishing the rear end. The dentist stops and jumps out and, unbelievably, the old man is still alive. He runs up to the mangled old man and says, “Oh my gosh! Is there anything I can do for you?” The old man whispers, “Unhook my suspenders from your side mirror.”
I threw my computer out of the window.
I called Tech Support and after explaining they asked me why I would do that. I said, I thought I had windows installed.
What do you think about banglore?
There are other folk- lore too, you dirty mind.... Lol. Sorry.
Short joke
Upon hearing about Steve Irwin’s untimely death, Chuck norris began swimming the oceans looking for revenge. During his travels, searching for intel, he happened upon a pod of Orca whales. He immediately became their alpha and started showing them more effective ways to hunt seals, which really turned the female whales on. He had sex with the matriarch of the pod, lit a cigarette, told his new family of whales he had a mission that was more important than continuing to swim with them, and he began breast stroking across the pacific. After breast stroking for 7 months, he decided to stop at an island to ask for information. He instinctively knew their native language and began making the men laugh and the women blush. He found out that the sting ray was hiding out in Guatemala using the name Gustavo. So he had sex with a few of the island woman, gave them children, lit a cigarette, and began breast stroking to Guatemala. Upon arrival, he immediately found Gustavo, using sonar locating skills the orcas had taught him. “Eeeee” said Chuck Norris. And the sting ray was found. Chuck then began taunting the sting ray, calling him names like flap jack, and smooth waffle, and let the sting ray know that he had barbed his last human. “Steve Irwin was my friend” said Chuck. “I taught him everything he knew about crocodile hunting, and he taught me absolutely nothing”. And then Chuck began growling like a wild beast. And this scared the sting ray, who didn’t know whether to try to flee or stay and fight. After 20 minutes of deliberation, and avoiding eye contact while Chuck Norris violently growled and snarled, the sting ray lunged toward Chuck with a barb attempt. It was futile, and a mistake. The sting ray knew it was a mistake, because Chuck caught the barb with his second most dominant hand and ripped it off. Chuck then began barbing the sting ray to death with his very own barb. Chuck then consumed the sting ray, lifted his left leg and released a fart. The women of Guatemala all became uncontrollably aroused at the aroma that they were smelling. They began calling him papi and asking him if they could cook him supper. He declined, and lifted his normal cigarette smoking fingers to his lips, spread them apart into a V formation, and began whipping his tongue back and forth between them. This really got the Guatemalan women going, as they began to sweat from their arousal. After about 3 hours of pleasuring the women of Guatemala, Chuck lit a cigarette and breast stroked into the horizon and out of sight. The end
A lime and fresh mint are being muddled in a glass
when the lime says to the mint "Im freezing we need to melt this ice!" The mint agreed so they shimmy the glass over to a ray of sunlight and the lime says "Do you think this is enough light to melt the ice?" And the mint says "Not bad." We need "Mo heat though."
Apparently you can get STDs from toilet seats
But only if you sit down before the other guy gets up
How can you tell the happy motorcycle riders?
They’re the ones with bugs one their teeth.