The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.
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My friend says he was playing Mario car
I told him that with current gas prices he should be playing Mario walk instead
Last night me and a girl made love...
It must have been so good because she almost came back to life
They banned me from the water park
why? I pissed in the pool but everybody does that I did it from the 5m diving platform
Nun & Priest
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg instead of gear. The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun smiled and once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the grip is weak." Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up,thy you will find glory'
What’s the backstory of 1+1=1?
After a long time by its lonesome self, one found another one. He fell in love at first sight, and asked, ”Could you be the one for me?”
Dog care
Hey Reddit, today I took my dog to a “groomer”. I really like my dogs “groomer”. She is the best “groomer” I know and she “grooms” my dog the way that I want her to look. Do you know a “groomers”? I bet you do, you probably know a lot of “groomers” don’t you? Have a wonderful day!
I want to start watching the news
But its so far into the series. I feel like Ill never catch up
I was trying to milk a goat once
I was trying to milk a goat once... One evening, I was going to milk a goat in the barn. As I started, the goat tried to kick me by her back leg. So I took a rope and tied her leg to one of the wooden poles in the barn. I tried to continue, but she tried to kick me by the other back leg, so I took another rope and tied it to the other pole. Then, as I was bending to start milking her again, my belt buckle cracked, the belt came loose and my pants fell down... And my wife came to the barn... There are some situations, you are just not able to explain.
Endothermic reactions are cool and all.
But I prefer exothermic reactions. They give me a warm fluffy feeling :)
How do you differentiate an office worker from a hooker?
One says “I worked so much today” The other says “I worked so many today”