The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.
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The price of amputations these days is getting ridiculous.
It practically costs an arm and a leg!
There’s going to be a one-day picnic to help female entrepreneurs
I saw it on Craigslist. The only goal is to help lady business owners (no joke, it’s a real ad). But here’s the part that IS the joke: Surrey down to a lone goal picnic!
A Guy Enters A Bar At The Top Of A Skyscraper...
When he enters, the first thing he notices is a drunk man drinking who then says: "IMMA DO IT AGAIN". The drunk man procceeds to jump out of the window. The first man gets totally shocked, but he gets more shocked when he sees the man who jumped getting back through the door completely fine. He then asks the drunk man: "How did you do that? We are so high up!" The drunk man says: "Idk each time I drink one of these, it happens". Then the drunk man procceeds to drink a beer and jump again out of the window The first man watches him fall and stop almost before hitting the ground, then he says: "I gotta try this!" He drinks a beer, jumps and dies crashing to the ground. Later, the drunk man comes back into the bar laughing and the barman says to him: "You are SO annoying when you are drunk Superman..."
My buddy told me he has a girlfriend in every state!
1 in a state of denial, 1 in a state of regret, 1 in a state of remorse...
A husband and wife of want to spice up their stale sex life.
They want to try BDSM for the first time. So one afternoon, the husband comes home from work, heads upstairs to the bedroom to change, and finds his wife spread out on the bed decked out in bondage gear and lingerie. Without skipping a beat the husband gets undressed and leans down and asks her in a very seductive tone of voice in her ear, “What do you want me to do for you, my queen?” The wife exclaims, “I WANT YOU TO TORTURE ME! YES! I WANT IT TO HURT SO MUCH! YES! YES! PLEASE, PLEASE TORTURE ME!!!’ The husband looks at her and says “Sure thing. I’ll be right back!” He hurriedly walks out of the bedroom into another room down the hall. Several minutes go by and the wife soon becomes perplexed to his whereabouts. She gets up out of the bed, pokes her head out of the bedroom door, and asks, “Honey, wha… well, what the hell are you doing?” She then sees her husband emerge from that room walking very fast towards her. He races back to the bedroom, grabs her by both arms, kisses her, and then very seductively tosses her on the bed. She catches her breath, grins, and then says to him in a sexy voice, “Took you long enough. You know I still want you to torture me.” The husband replies, “Oh… yeah, no problem. I just installed Windows 10 on your laptop.”
What is the difference between New Zealand and the United States?
In New Zealand the sheep have four legs
If the search of Mar-a-logo was just a political game,
But the FBI ended up with 4 Top Secret, 3 Secret, and 3 Classified documents, does that mean they won Gin Rummy? (work in progress. Credit of concept to Legal Eagle)