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A tale of two strings
Son: What do I do with these two strings while you go to the bathroom?Me: I shit. You knot.
Three men were stranded on a desert island
They had been there for many years and had become good friends. One day a lamp washed up on shore and out popped a genie. The genie looked at them and decided to grant each of them one wish. Without hesitation, the first man practically screamed; "I wish I was back home with my family!". Poof! The first man disappeared and was reunited with his wife and kids. The second man had no family but knew exactly what he wanted. "I wish I was home!". Poof! The second man was deposited back to his home. The third man had no family or home and was struggling to think of a good wish. A beautiful woman would be nice, but she would probably hate him for stranding her on the island. He could perhaps, wish for a mansion but then he would be stuck on the island. He began racking his brain for the perfect wish. A loopholes for more wishes, or everlasting life, or the ability to fly, or, or, or.. The genie was growing impatient and demanded that he make his wish. "Dammit," exclaimed the third man. "I wish my friends were here to help me decide".
I used to be a member of the Secret Vegetable Association Cult. But i was banished last week
Because i spilled the beans
My mother was only just tall enough to ride the rollercoaster
"Theres a minimum" said the ride attendant
I woke up at 3.00 am to see the ghostly spectre of Gloria Gaynor, standing at the foot of my bed
At first I was afraid...
A young boy enters a barber shop
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you." The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves. "What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!" Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. "Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?" The boy licked his cone and replied, "Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!"
Why is “reverse cowgirl” illegal in Alabama?
Because you never turn your back on family.
I went to Egypt to see the pyramids last week but it was quite foggy
In the end I couldn’t see the point