The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.

Your dad is so dumb…

…he won’t let you read Bridget Jone’s Diary because he is an antisemite.

The difference between a door knob and a volume knob.

With a volume knob, only I get a turn.

Did you hear about the 2 peanuts that went for a walk?

One of them got assaulted.

What measurements are most attractive on men?

98-65-105 (98 years old with $65 million in the bank and a 105 degree fever)

In a fit of rage, a friend of mine ran over a pedestrian with his electric car.

He will be charged with battery.

If a quiz is called a quizzical

What is a test called? Son told me this today.

I stand behind Alec Baldwin…

‘Cause it’s much safer than being in front.

My girlfriend is so loud and bulimic….

I’m always telling her to “keep it down”

If life gives you melons

you might be dyslexic..

Please help me with the punchline for this joke

What if there were no hypothetical questions?

A dyslexic person walks into a Chicken to cross the Bar with a Lightbulb to the other side and orders a road.

The Bartender says What the fuck dude how did you do that?

Imagine you live in a world with superheroes

There is a man with the power to travel back in time one second every second and can never stop once he starts. He and his wife are having sex one day and they have been going at it for a while. All of a sudden the man disappears.

Just applied for a patent for an exercise wheel for chickens.

Calling the company "Poultry in Motion."