The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.

Why did the coffee file a police report?

Because it got mugged every morning!

My gf says my behavioural patterns exhibit classic traits of pedophilia.

But she’s only 9. What does she know lol.

Join the army

Join the army, travel to distant and exotic places, meet interesting people and kill them. -- Spike Milligan (edited)

I gave my Girlfriend an orgasm once…

…and she spat it back in my face!!!

Did you hear about the woman that was killed by a penis?

She never saw it coming

Yo mama so fat...

...her farts are sensed by alien technology 2,500 light years away as signs of life.

From observation and math, scientists know the universe is expanding

Even the universe is fleeing from Chuck Norris

I can always tell if someone is Canadian.

I’ve got eh-dar

Mirror and love are similar for me

Both break up when I show my face

My wife was doing rimjob

It was hottest shit ever

A priest, a pastor, and a rabbit entered a clinic to donate blood.

The nurse asked the rabbit, “What’s your bloood type?” “I’m a typo O”, said the rabbit.

What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter

I would be SHOCKED if you haven’t heard about these new corduroy pillows.

I mean, they’re making headlines all over the world.