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The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.

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I have a joke on oil.....

But USA will invade it.

I HATE cutting my nails.

Wife: Why? Husband: Because then it takes even longer to file them. Wife: I just put mine in a pile.

hey

How did Jerry Seinfeld survive the me too movement?

I can’t watch pro sports drafts anymore…

Because I’m 26 so I can’t bear to watch people 4 to 8 years younger than me surpass me in pretty much every area in life besides maybe intelligence, and intelligence is gay

what does a jamaican frog sound like?

reggae

I accidentally showed a friend some porn

hope he didnt have any hard feelings.

Did you hear about the time Ronald Reagan fell into a vat of cement?

It set a president

What did the snail say when she got raped?

It all happened so fast!

Three boys and a girl

three boys pursue a girl at the same time, the girl says: you travel the world and i will choose again. the first boy went to europe, the second boy went to america, the third boy walked around the girl and said: you are my world! the girl was very moved, and with tears she chose the richest among them.

Joke from my 12 year old son

Why did the sperm cross the road? Because I put on the wrong sock!

A ship, sailing past a remote island, spots a man who has been stranded there for several years.

The captain goes ashore to rescue the man and notices three huts. “What’s the first hut for?” he asks. “That’s my house,” says the castaway. “What’s the second hut for?” “That’s my church.” “And the third hut?” “Oh, that?” sniffs the castaway. “That’s the church I used to go to.”

Squirrels are just tree rats.

You thought about it and realized it’s true.

Being in a canoe forces you to make a very tough decision.

Roe vs Wade

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