The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.
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A little girl visits her grandpa in the hospital
The little girl runs in sayin, “grandpa! Grandpa! Make a noise like a frog! Make a noise like a frog! The grandpa says, “why sweetie?” The little girl starts begging, “please, please, please, make a noise like a frog grandpa. Please!” This goes on for a few minuets, then her mother walks in and sees this. Finally the grandpa goes, “why do you want me to make a frog noise sweetie?” The little girl says, “mama says as soon as you croak we’re going to Disneyland!”
I heard in the news someone from the future had sex with a worm from the past
He used a wormhole
Clothing optional
I went in for my prostate exam last week. The doctor told me to take off my pants. I asked him where I should put them. “Right there next to mine” was not the answer I wanted to hear.
Anyone want 2 free Anthony jeselnik tickets? No joke
Tonight at 10 pm at the improv in Melrose ca
Johnny had wanted to have sex with a girl in his office, but she was with someone else.
One day he just walked up to her and said “Let me screw you for 100 dollars” but she said no. “Come on it’ll be fast” he said “I’ll throw the money on the floor, you bend over to pick it up and I’ll be done by the time you’ve picked it up” After thinking it over she says “Ok, let me ask my boyfriend first”. So she calls him and he says “Ask him for 400 dollars and pick it up very fast, there’s no way he can make it in time”. Well she agrees and tells him so. After half an hour she never called her boyfriend, after 45 minutes though he calls her and asks how it went. She screamed at him “The bastard used coins” So here’s a management lesson: Always consider a business proposal in its entirety before agreeing to it and getting screwed
What’s the difference between 365 used condoms and a tire
Ones a goodyear. The others a great year
Why was Johnny Depp tiptoeing everywhere?
He was worried about what would happen if Amber Heard.
Dad joke of the day
What do you call a girl who broke up with you via Instagram? A DMX
What do your mom and pencil sharpeners have in common
They make things smaller. Wait, that’s not how penises work. I guess your dads has always been that way
A skeleton walks into a bar
It walks up to the bartender and says “Get me a drink, and a mop.”