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What did the O say to Q?

"Dude your dick is flopping out"

What do people from Alabama have instead of a family tree?

The circle of life!

Never go camping with a German

Especially if they assure you that the campsite has great showers

My friend would never hurt me

My friend and I were hanging out one night in his apartment. After a while we got into an argument and he was very mad, He said “ shut up or I’ll throw you out that open window “ this proves my point, his apartment is in the ground floor.

Two 80 year old singles were talking about sex.

She asked him how often he had sex. He told her it was infrequently. She asked him, “Is that one word or two?”

What is the national dish of Russia?

Empty

What’s the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?

beer nuts are over a buck, deer nuts are under a buck

Why did Johnny Depp get vaccinated?

To support Heard immunity.

I bought a new deodorant stick today. The instructions said remove the wrapper and push up bottom

I can hardly walk but when I fart the room smells lovely!

How does one locate Texas?

Drive south until you smell it, then west until you step in it.

Why are there pop tarts but not mom tarts?

Because of the Pastryarchy.

Idea: All global warming deniers agree to offer themselves as food to the rest of us if things get bad.

I call it the Soylent Green New Deal

Progressive joke. What do I call my foreign girlfriend who is delay?

Trans-late

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