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We should stop wearing masks
If we ignore Covid enough it might get depressed and commit suicide
he was talking about money
It was seven days into their honeymoon and the young bride staggered downstairs to breakfast looking knackered. “My goodness,” said the waitress. “You don’t look so good, but aren’t you the bride with the older husband?” “Yes I am, he’s 75, but I’ve discovered he’s pulled a dreadful trick on me. When he told me he had saved up for 50 years, I thought he was talking about money.”
Bells
A homeless man with no arms walked into the small quaint village. He stopped at the local church because he heard they had a job available. The priest told him they were looking for a person to ring the bells, but from the homeless man’s lack of arms he would not be considered. The man insisted he could do the job if only the priest could take him up into the bell tower. The priest felt he had to appease the man and took him up to the bell tower. See said the priest. You need arms and hands to pull the ropes and ring the bells. The man simply said watch me. The man snuggled up to the big bell, leaned back, then lurched forward smashing his face into the bell. It gave a very melodic peel. He then ran to the next bell and repeated his same process. The bell sounded heavenly. He ran to the third bell in the tower and same thing happened. A beautiful ring. He then got into rhythm and had the bells chiming Ava Marie. The priest was overwhelmed. How could he use his face and make such wonderful bell music. As the man was walking back to the priest, he tripped over a loose rope and fell from the bell tower to his death. The priest hurried to the ground to find the man with no arms dead. People began to gather around and one asked the priest who is the man? The priest said, I don’t know his name; but his face sure rang a bell.
There are only 2 guys and 1 girl in the singles chat group
“There’s only two of you here so which one is better?” asks the girl. Derrick, one of the two guys confidently replies “I’m batter.”
A man on a plane..
…to Las Vegas notices a gorgeous woman walking towards him and she ends up sitting right next to him on the flight. He’s nervous but decides to give it a shot and spark some conversation. “So”, he says, “what are you going to Vegas for?” She replies, “im actually going to a sex convention. We learn about sex and popular misconceptions about sex” He is immediately intrigued. “what type of stuff do you discuss there?” “Well, last time I went we learned that Jewish men are actually the best lovers, not french men. And also, a lot of people think black men have the biggest penises but in actuality its Native American men.” “Very interesting stuff!”, he says. “Yeah, so you know about my trip but i dont even know your name!” The man looks her in the eyes and replies, “My name? My name is Tonto. Tonto Goldstein,”
What should you do if you can’t afford to fix your A/C?
Start using only fans! Thanks, I’ll see myself out!
On my round through the prison this morning, I found 2 cellmates who claimed somebody sewed their bodies together while they were sleeping.
They were very confused to say the least.
Ye who have ears, hark! as I tell you the timeless story of Danny and Sandy, a tale as old as time...
...from ancient Grease