The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.
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What do you call a large reptile who likes to stir up petty fights on social media?
An Insta-gator.
When I was a kid, I loved to build sandcastles with my grandmother!
But my mom kept telling me to put the urn back.
Going rate
A freshly ordained, young priest gets his first assignment: filling in for and old reverend who gets a new hip. To help his young colleage, the old priest has a list of sins with the appropiate pennance in Our Fathers and Hail Maries tacked to the inner wall of the confession boot. At one of the first confessions, a young girl tells the priest she gave her boyfriend a blowjob. The priest goes over the list "blowjob..., blowjob" but he cannot find it. "just a moment" he tells the girl, he leaves the boot and notices an altar boy Priest: "son, what does the Reverend usually give for a blowjob?" Altar boy: "that varies, usually an appel, but sometimes a chocolate bar or 5 bucks"
At a celebrity party, Elon Musk wandered over to Kathy Griffin and said, “If I was your husband, I’d program our Tesla to drive you into a wall.”
Kathy Griffin said, “If you were my husband, I’d stomp on the gas.”
They say I’m a grower not a shower
Because I get really self conscious about showing people my collection of houseplants
If a man fails to blow up a building, but gives good sex advice, what will people say about him?
This Guy Fawkes.
My wife threatened to leave me due to my obsession with Drake
I told her she’d thank me later.
They didn’t let me in the woman’s restroom
Even though I told them I identify as a pervert
I failed my biology exam today.
The question was: Name something that is found in cells? Apparently scousers was the wrong answer.
I Want To Go To A Haunted House
But then I remembered homeownership in the 2020s is scary!