The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.
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Growing up I didn’t know that dad had left mom for another man.
looking back I now realize I misheard mom when she told me “your dad has a loving gaze”.
What does Santa say when he visits good pirates?
Ho ho ho and a bottle of rum!! Made this one up when I was 5 or 6 and I’m still getting mileage out of it 30+ years later
Pannetone joke (help!)
Does anyone remember the pannetone joke where the punch line is a play on the word where it’s said as “(throw a) pan at Tony”? I’ve tried to find it on Google but all that comes up is stuff about the Sopranos.
I like to watch horror, movies when I’m in the bathroom
It scares the shit out of me
Bangladeshi Commentator: “KL Rahul is out, big wicket”!
Note- joke is for Indian cricket fans!
The difference between theoretically and actually.
On a bright and sunny morning, a man and his wife were having breakfast with thier teenage children. His son leans in and asks, “Hey dad, what’s the difference between theoretically and actually?” The Dad nodes pensively, and then turns to his daughter: “Sweetheart, would you have sex with a man for a million dollars?” The daughter takes a second to think and then uncertainly answers: “well I suppose so. A million dollars is life changing money. So yes, I guess I would.” “That’s fair” said the dad. He then leans to his son and asks: “what about you, my boy? Would you have sex with a woman for a million dollars?” The son happily replies: “of course! I get to get laid AND make a million bucks? It’s a no brainer.” Satisfied with his answer, the dad leans to his wife. “What about you, my love? If you weren’t married to me, would you have sex with a man for a million dollars?” His wife thinks for a second and says: “a million dollars is really a lot of money, so I think I would”. The dad again nodes and turns back to his son. “You see my boy, theoretically I am living with 3 millionaires, but actually I am living with 3 whores”.
The Reindeer Legend You Do Not Want Repeated
Every year following Christmas Rudolph was known for his famous traveling parties, a chance for the reindeer to freely fly around and let off the stress of the season just completed. Rudolph would lead his favorite friends off for days of adventure, leaving the other reindeer jealous. Finally, another reindeer decided he could do better. He gathered his friends and planned a long trip. Off they went after Christmas that year. Early into their flight they got caught in a freak blizzard that lasted for days in the arctic wilderness. They had to resort to eating a fellow reindeer. The actual story is so awful, it created a legend of the … Dinner Party.