The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.
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Last year a guy took his Blonde girlfriend to the Superbowl.
They had great seats right behind their team’s bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked it. “Oh, I really liked it,” she replied, “especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.” Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, “What do you mean?” “Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was…’Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!’ I’m like…Helloooooo? It’s only 25 cents!”
A man is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs. The cashier says, "You must be single." The man answered, “Wow, how did you know that?”
The cashier replied, “Because you’re ugly.”
Classified files were found on a laptop at Mar a Lago today…
Trump would bring this with him to his Saudi and Russian cronies; and open it up with his fat little baby hands and say, “Hey, I know you guys are looking for this Top Secret information and I bet you’ll keep looking forever without my help. But… if you pay me $100,000,000 I’ll let you copy all this information from this computer right now.” It was his Hunt Or Buy Them laptop.
When Chuck Norris was a child, he sailed to the Atlantic Ocean, and at one point threw his magnet in the water
That point is now known as the Bermuda Triangle.
Ego and superego walk into a bar
Bartender folds his arms and says “I’m gonna need to see some id”
Circa March 2020: I noticed an attractive girl on my bus ride home today. I wanted to ask for her phone number.
Then she started to cough.
My mate Dave just returned from competing in the world blindfolded masturbation championships.
He said that he enjoyed it very much, but he has no idea where he came...
A Nun and Hooker
What is the difference between a nun in church and a hooker in the bath? The nun has a soul full of hope.
Me and the girlfriend went to the restaurant for the first time in ages.
The Waiter said, I am sorry but we are so busy tonight. Would you mind waiting for a bit? I said no problem. He said good, now take these drinks to table. 7.
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb? NSFW
None. They just beat the shit out of the room for being black