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So I was at the bank today

It was just me, a lanky guy my age, a mom with her two daughters and an older lady there. I walk towards the banker with a spring in my step, relieved the place isnt crowded, when the older lady approches me. She tells me her grandson usually comes with to help her, but that he wasn’t able to make it today, and asks if I could help her check her balance instead. She seems like a sweet lady so naturally I say yes, give her a good push in the back and continue to make my way to the banker.

Elon Musk is being accused of sexual harassment…

I believe it, TSLA share price has been f**king me in the a$$ for months!

A farmer installed a modem in his barn

I guess you could say he has stable internet now

A cop shot a ginger

I guess orange is the new black.

Why cant you see elephants hiding in trees?

Because they’re good at it.

What can sometimes be hard, long, and a pain in the butt?

Your phontistery, school!

what is the flesh surrounding the vagina called?

The rest of the woman

What do you get when two narcissists are in a room?

Silence

Who’s the best music artist

Me and your mom when we’re in bed

A group of cows

A group of cows are enjoying drinks and chewing the cud at a local bar. A horse walks through the door and looks around, seeming a little out of place. One of the cows, who had already had a few too many, calls out, “Hey fella, why the lo-“ But the bartender cuts him off. “We’ve already herd that one.”

I choose to get a cavity search every 6 months

I love going to the dentist

What did the gay guy say when he tripped and fell on the lawn?

Sod oh me

When I shit, my dick touch the water.

I should really call a plumber.

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