The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.

Jesus walks into a bar…

… and orders “Twelve glasses of water please.” *** WINKS AT DISCIPLES ***

Why does the French army surrender so quickly?

Because they have nothing Toulouse.

I was walking out of a bar last night and I was mistaken for an Asian…..

Person said I looked Full of Pino

What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cents featuring Nickelback

Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper???

They devoted their life to SANTA!!

A rich man and a poor man were waiting to cross the street.

It was Christmas time and the poor man asked the rich man what he got his wife for Christmas. The rich man told him he got her a new car, a diamond necklace and trip to Fiji. He then asks the poor man what he got his wife. He said “I got her a pair of slippers and a dildo.” The rich man asks “why a dildo?” Poor man replies “because if she doesn’t like the slippers she can go fuck herself.”

What does a hangman do on his days off?

Watch the noose

I was cornered by Dwayne Johnson in front of a Hallmark store.

I was caught between The Rock and a card place.

What did the Spanish magician say to the kid with ADHD and the kid with Aspergers?

"TDAH! TEA" (Ta-dah! Tea)

What city fought against Covid protections the most?

Damascus

my dog barks all

And I always say, "stupid dog you are not tree."

I inherited all of the best bits from my parents..... I got my mum’s eyes, and my dads chiseled jaw, brains and large penis.

Quite upsetting really, they left my brother the house.

What’s the difference between a toddler and a bag of cocaine?

Eric Clapton would *never* let a bag of cocaine fall out the window.