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Did you hear about that fight at the laundromat?

I recon a washing machine beat the snot out of a handkerchief.

I had to raise the fire alarm at work today...

The midgets were furious!

im fat

Because every time i screwed your mom she gave me a cookie

Studies show that...

Most people dont know the opposite of following words: Always coming from take me down

A guy walks into an automobile dealership

A Russian man walks into a car dealership to buy a new car. The salesman says, "I am sorry sir but due to the war and sanctions all cars are back-ordered. We have a waiting list, but it is so full that it will take 10 years to get you a new car." So the man shrugs his shoulders and says, "I may as well get on the list. Can I pre-pay?" The salesman responds, "Yes, of course sir. Please take this form, fill it out, then pay our finance department. Come back exactly 10 years from today and pick up your car." The buyer asks, "Morning or afternoon?" The salesman is a bit taken aback and says, "Sir, it is *ten years* from today. Why do you care if it is morning or afternoon?" The buyer replies, "Because the plumber is coming in the afternoon, so I need a morning appointment."

What do you call a peanut that can’t talk to women?

An in-shell.

How do you circumcise a West Virginian?

Kick his sister in the chin.

It’s my joke day so a cake for everyone

A polar bear walks into a bar and the bartender says “What’ll it be today?” The bear says “give me a gin and.........................tonic” The bartender says “sure thing but why the big pause?” The bear looks down and says “I dunno? I was just born with them“

Ever ready Bunny found dead from massive heart attack

Somebody put his batteries in backwards and he kept coming and coming.

What time do pilots set their alarms for?

7:57

What do you use to clean a pig?

Ham sanitizer

My girl took a pregnancy test on Easter

Thankfully she didn’t have any eggs.

Why do they always evacuate the women, and children first when there is a disaster?

Just so the men can have a moment of peace and silence

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