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Opinions are like assholes....
everyone has em, and asking people about theirs is a great way to make new friends.
Another homeless man is on the street corner begging for money.
"Please Sir!" he addresses a well dressed man. "Do you have a buck for a pice of bread?" "Well" answers the man, "it depends. I need to see the piece of bread first!"
My friend lost both his jobs today
He was a driver for Amazon but also moonlighted as a stand up comedian. They both fired him for thr same reason too. They said he needed to work on his delivery.
I drink beer because I’m too lazy to walk
They say you should walk 10000 steps, the AA only requires 12
My friend works as a cab driver in London
one day, while chatting, I asked him if he found problems adapting to driving on the other side of the road "not really, no, but the biggest problem is that sometimes instead of spitting outside the window I spit on the customer sitting next to me"
Putin and two Russian generals are sitting in the Russian presidential aircraft
Putin gets bored and suggests to play a game to kill some time. Each of them will throw something from the plane and later they will go to check what happened on the ground. The first general pulls a Zippo lighter from his pocket, throws it out the window and says "someone will cry because of this" The second general asks one of the soldiers for his Kalashnikov, throws it out the window and says "someone will be crushed by this" Putin opens a cabinet next to his seat, pulls out a hand grenade, throws it out the window and says "Someone will be blown away by this" Some time later, they get off the plane and and next to them they see a girl crying, so they ask her what happened? "A lighter fell on my head from the sky and it really hurts!" she answers They continue walking and see a boy crying, so they ask him what happened? "A gun fell on dad from the sky and he died!" answers the kid Feeling a bit uncomfortable they move on and then they see a boy lauughing his head off, so they ask him what happened. The boy answers them: "I farted and the whole house exploded!"
I might not be the best boomer in the world
But I must be doing something right..... Because people keep telling me I’m an “OK boomer.”