The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.
New at better-not-say-it.com: Our hot joke section. Have fun laughing with our sensationally funny jokes:
A woman is giving birth to a baby girl
She is in the operating room with her husband by her side and the doctor delivering the baby. The know before that this child will be a girl, but there has been some animosity between the couple over what the baby will be called. After one more hard push, the baby comes out and the doctor cuts the cord and holds it up. He’s about to talk when the husband “My darling Emily is born”. The wife responds “We agreed we would never call her that”. The husband replies “I never said anything, and besides it’s only right given that it was my mothers name, and she passed only three months ago”. The wife enraged says “I don’t care if it’s the same name as your dead bitch of a mother, its a terrible name”. The husband is taken aback, as he never heard this opinion from his wife. “Oh so what do you want to call it” the husband replies. “Harper, after a character from your favourite book? Grow up!”. The doctor decides to get involved. “I don’t care what you name it” he says while holding the baby up by its leg. “As long as it gets a closed casket”
Chuck Norris once cut the wrong wire in the bomb and it exploded
He then learnt from his mistake and never cut a wrong wire again in his life.
Swimming pool
I told the man at the swimming pool to put his swimsuit back on because we‘re trying to keep the pool a nut free facility.
When I was young, I decided to go to medical school…
At the entrance exam, we were asked to re-arrange the letters: P N E I S to form the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect. Those who answered SPINE are doctors today, while the rest are on Facebook.
A rabbit and a bear go to take a shit in the woods of wonderland…
The rabbit “a bit intimidated by the large bear” offers him one of his extra mushrooms that the large bear gladly accepts. The rabbit then looks at the bear and says hey - “does shit stick to your fur?” The bear “munching on the shrooms and shrinking” says - Hell no, my fur is immaculate”. The rabbit then takes the shrunken bear and wipes his ass.
I was recently diagnosed as colour-blind.
I had no idea. It came right out of the green.
Jack and Jill
Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke a little leaf, Jack got high and dropped his fly, and Jill said "Where’s The beef?"