The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.

A man lost at sea is found on an island 20 years later.

The sailors that find him are surprised to see three large buildings on the island. They ask the man why he built the buildings. "This first building is my house" he says. "I was able to set up a crude aqueduct to create some form of indoor plumbing". The sailors are impressed and ask about the second building. "This second building is my synagogue" he says. "I am Jewish and my faith is very important to me". The sailors nod in understanding and ask about the third building. "Oh, that synagogue" the man says. “I wouldn’t go to that one if you paid me!"

Why aren’t there any hobos from Indiana?

Because beggars can’t be Hoosiers.

A man tries to get back his scissors from a work colleague

"Hey, you borrowed my scissors earlier. Can I get them back?" "Ok, I hear you, but what if I just pretended not to have them even though you can see them, and then get very angry at you for pointing them out, and then demand that you leave AND not return the scissors instead?"

What do you call a doctor who failed med school ?

Dentist.

why was the sick eagle arrested and deported??

Cuz he was an ill eagle

Why is today National Truckers Day?

Because it’s 10/4 Good Buddy!

What should Ukrainian soldiers paint on captured Russian tanks?

Ctrl-

What was the Amish woman’s wildest fantasy?

Two Mennonite.

How can you tell if a wall is sexually active?

If he’s bricked up.

I found out I was dyslexic today…

That explains the melonade

My dad spent all day putting a clock on his belt

It was a waist of time

Marriage is a three-ring circus.

- engagement ring - wedding ring - suffering

The school bully asked me if I wanted to pick a fight with him

So I showed up to his house later that day and picked the Conor McGregor vs. Khatib fight and we watched it all afternoon