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So they held a farting contest…
The last three standing in the race to win the award for the most ground shattering, the most ungodly minor explosion between the buttocks known to any human were an American, a Japanese & an Indian The American binged on some chipotles & some dairy & climbed the podium. Released a minor krakatoa which destroyed the stage & the butt explosion was heard by everyone in a 1 mile radius The Japanese laughed as he binged on some sushi & then released a nerve wrecking fart. The nearby graveyard reported coffins rising up to the ground & zombies coming out of them with one hand over their nose The Indian saw this spectacle & decided to back off as he wasn’t unsure he would be capable of doing something of this scale. The organisers who were wearing gas masks didn’t allow this So he stood there…closed his eyes, focussed to release a nuclear fart. But all he could release was a barely audible poof… Thinking that he has lost the battle, he looked around & so were the organisers… & then they saw that that Jesus atop a cross, took one of his hand off the cross & covered his nose !!!
Two old cassette decks meet up for lunch. One is made by Sony, the other is a Chinese knock-off.
"Hey, I heard your owner got a new tape?" "Yeah, did you want to borrow it?" "Borrow? .. I was going to eat it."
What do you call a midget southerner who practices archery and has a girlfriend?
A short Beau!
The government wants to put chips inside our bodies so bad…
meanwhile, Frito-Lay and Old Dutch have been putting chips inside our bodies for a long time.
Regretting the compliment...
A woman walks up to a guy in a blue bathing suit and says, "Did you know your eyes match your swim trunks?" He says, "Really! Why? Are my eyes bulging?"
Two American soldiers are sitting and waiting for Hitler to come down a road he always travels home on so they can assassinate him….
Two hours go by, still no Hitler. The soldiers look at each other frustrated, and one says to the other, “Man he was supposed to have come through by now… I want to hurry up and kill this guy so we can get home” Another two hours go by, and the soldiers are growing restless, wondering where the hell he is. Well, midnight finally comes around and still no Hitler. One of the soldiers turns to the other one a little worried looking and says “…I hope nothing’s happened to him?”
The Train
A few months ago, my wife and I were taking a nice walk down an old dirt road during the heat of the summer day. All of a sudden, I stopped and looked around. My wife was a little hesitant as to what I was doing. I slowly moved towards the railroad tracks ahead of us and knelt down, putting my hand on the steel. I looked both ways, sniffed my fingers, and contemplated for a few seconds. I turned and looked at my wife and told her that a train has been through here. She looked confused and asked how I knew. I told her, pointing to the railroad, "Because there are its tracks". Shaking her head, she let out a sign of disappointment as she turned her back and walked away. I giggled.
In 1920 we took the children out of the mines
In 2020 Minecraft is a popular game. The kids yearn for the mine.
A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk into a blood donation center.
The rabbit says "i think im a typo"