The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.

I was being followed last night, so I drove all the way to the police station.

"Well done for handing yourself in," said the officer. "You gave us a good chase."

-What do you do for living?

-I exhale carbon Carbon dioxide which is needed by plants.

What does Jefferey Dahmer call a gay bar?

An all you can eat buffet

You know what they say in prison

No noose is good noose

Voting in America is a lot like driving

Stay to the Right or else you crash.

As a commercial livestock hauler, my main responsibility is transporting donkeys.

My clients..have their asses handed to them.

Jailbreak!

Diminutive psychic Chris Tolbol escaped from jail earlier today. Police describe him as a small medium at large.

Have you heard of the nervous prostate doctor?

He slipped and got the sack.

What do you call two ducks that look alike?

*Gobblegänger.*

How do french poets order their turkey sandwiches?

Ennuit.

How can you tell if someone went to Norte Dame?

They will tell in the first five minutes of meeting you.

What do we call Takeoff now?

Took off because he isn’t here anymore.

What do you call a person who brags about who they voted for?

A show voter.