The funniest jokes the internet has to offer.
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House remodel
My wife and I recently completed a remodel of our kitchen. The other night we decided to move all the dishes and into the new cabinets. The last thing we moved was all our booze. I picked up two bottles and turned around. My wife had FIVE bottles at once! My wife really can hold her liquor…
What does the mafia and a pussy have in common?
One slip of the tongue and you’re in deep shit
If you ever want to quit drinking eat Twizzlers because they’re not alcohol but...
They’re liquorish.
What’s the difference between a Reddit Mod and my Ex Gf?
One can be found just about alive in a basement, the other one…not so much.
What makes a clip clop clip clop peng peng clip clop noise?
An amish drive by shooting
How does male flower part introduce himself to the lady part ?
Hi. I am Andrew C Yum
An African man, a Chinese man, and an American man are walking through a jungle,
where they were stopped by an evil spirit. The evil spirit told them to go into the jungle and bring back 10 of 1 kind of fruit. The Chinese man came first with 10 apples. The evil spirit told him to swallow all ten apples without chewing, choking, or making any sound. He managed to swallow the first Apple successfully but choked on the second one. Because he failed the spirit killed him and he went to heaven. The American man came next with blueberries and was told to do the same thing. He swallowed the first 9 berries but started laughing while swallowing the 10th, so he was killed and also went to heaven. When the American man got to heaven he met the Chinese man, and the Chinese man asked him why he started laughing when he was so close. Then the American man said: I couldn’t help but laugh when I saw the African man coming over with watermelons.
The Vienna Boys Choir is having a special New Year’s Eve concert. At midnight there will be a ball drop and…
…all the Sopranos will become Altos.
What is the cleanest toy?
A chew toy. Some would even say that they are squeaky clean.
Another Russian Suicide
Police say he stabbed himself three times before shooting himself in the back of the head and jumping from a third story window.